Lesbian 101: Care Less, Score More

I’d heard the phrase “The one who cares the least, wins” several times in the past. But I never really paid it much attention. Probably because I was usually the one who cared more. So that statement couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t! Could it?

And this is just one of those things that spans across gender and orientation and is just a human truth.
If you want to get hurt less, stop giving a damn. If you want to get laid more, stop caring so much. Or at least don’t show it. The simple truth is, as much as I hate to acknowledge it, it is all a game. Personally, I never got the rule book. I’ve just been fumbling the ball and learning along the way.

That girl that you are completely lusting over? The one who gives you mixed signals and false hope. The one who teases you with promises and illusions of interest. You know what, stop giving her the attention that you have been. Do not text her. Do not call her. Do not Facebook her. Do not email her. Do not stalk her at work or on Tumblr or frequent places you might run into her. Yes, I know all your tricks you sneaky Lesbo you.

Wait, patiently. It will come. Keep waiting. Just a little longer.

There! See? That little cell phone jingle? She text you. Now, hold your horses just a minute longer there, Turbo. What exactly do you want? It’s time to regroup and reformulate our plan of attack. If you text her right now, then she knows that she has you by your plastic, detachable balls. And that defeats our purpose here.

What you want, is for her to be thinking about you as much as you think about her. That is the only way that you are going to spring your trap and snag your prey to take home and eat as you please. Yes, pun intended.

She should be wondering about you. She should be asking herself, where you’re at, what you’re doing, who you’re with. And why aren’t you feeding her need for attention? You must be having a damned good time if you aren’t thinking about her. Why isn’t she a part of that good time? She wants to be a part of that.

Exactly.

For. The. Win.

So you know what, make plans that don’t include her, but make sure you tell her about them. Don’t invite, just inform. Don’t respond to messages like instantaneous response is your mutant power. Settle down, Flash. Let her simmer and wonder. Even when all you want to do is talk to her via some variety of electronic medium and you think it’s perfectly harmless to send a simple, “Whatchu up to?” or “Hey,” think again.

If she can have you, you become undesirable. If other people want you (your time, energy, and attention, romantic or platonic), suddenly you become a precious commodity. Every girl wants what she can’t have!
It works, trust me. The moment I stopped giving a female the romantically interested attention they wanted, all of a sudden, she is inviting me out, texting me “Good Morning!” before my alarm has a chance to wake me up, and planning our wedding getaway in New York…

She already knows you were interested. Now she is suddenly realizing that her fatal mistake was not jumping on the amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity that is you. And maybe, just maybe, someone else is taking full advantage of that opportunity.

So grab your balls and bats, ladies. Take your position, bases loaded. Line drive, up the center. And play ball!