Label Me? Please!

Am I soft andro?


 My friend, we’ll call her Kiley, sent me this random text mid-day yesterday. Now, I already know that she is stepping into the queer/lesbian scene in a completely different manner than myself or most Metropolis lesbians. She grew up and came out in the Mid-West. And by Mid-West, I mean that expanse of land between California, New York, and Florida. She moved (quite bravely in my opinion) to Los Angeles just recently “for the culture” and so now she is getting a taste of L.A. lesbian culture.

Where she grew up, in her own words, she was one of a handful of queers. Thusly, there is little need to label or categorize or identify in a community so small. But here in the greater Los Angeles/Southern California area, there are dykes in, literally, every size, shape, color, creed and style. We have the ultimate honor of hosting the full spectrum of queerness in a very small relative space. It’s like our own personal Apple Store in our backyards. We have the product in the exact style you want.

So now that we know the product is available, how do we go about requesting and selecting the product that will fit our wants and desires? How do we specify that the Shuffle is just too damn small and the Classic is too damn big, but the Nano Third Gen in purple is just right? (Ok, you get the point, no more iPod references.)

Enter, Labels.

As much as we hate them and we try to avoid them like the Zune. (Ha! Ok seriously guys, last reference.) They encompass our lives involuntarily. But they can be fun, when used appropriately. And by “appropriately” I mean Flexibly.

That’s the problem. We get frustrated when words do not fully encompass the ideas we are trying to express. What we need to come to terms with is the fact that words are imperfect and will never be able to perfectly express what we are feeling and thinking. And that’s the beauty of it! We will continue to try to express our emotions with words and continue to fail. There will always be miscommunication for that reason.

The arts are maybe slightly or significantly better at this form of communication. That is why music brings people together so completely. This is why paintings make us feel things that we cannot express in words or make us cry for no apparent reason. But we would be silly to think that there are enough colors or chords in the world to express the full spectrum of the human mind and heart.

But I digress. Per usual. Back to the task at hand.

So labels can be useful. They make us feel like we belong to some group of people like us. They help explain the dynamics of our relationships. They help us describe our likes, dislikes, and preferences.

But most importantly, they attempt to help us transfer an image from one human mind to another. Whether that image is stereotypical, connotative or denotative is subjective. But in order for communication to occur we need labels.

So, back to Kiley, at first I told her to forget about labels. But then I realized she needed to find herself. Eventually, she would find that labels are constantly changing as is the way we choose to identify with them. Eventually, she will find her niche and how she chooses to express herself and her own self perception.

For now, don’t feel trapped within labels. They are not our masters, but our tools. Use them (or don’t) as you see fit. They are only as imperfect and flexible as we are.

How do you feel about labels? How do you identify? Why don’t our heterosexual brothers and sisters use similar labels when describing who they are and what they seek in a relationship? That’s and interesting topic…